Men in the US are in trouble. Many feel that their futures are uncertain and their identities are threatened. But while the current situation is especially acute, this anxiety has always been built into boyhood and manhood. Told to “man up” or “be a real man,” boys and men who inevitably cannot meet the impossible, overlapping standards of toughness, self-sufficiency, dominance, and stoicism have their very identity withheld from them. Masculine norms such as these govern every aspect of men’s and boys’ lives and are woven into family life, schools, sports, and other community spaces. Such norms deprive young men of more caring alternatives, ways to confidently own their identity as caring, emotionally connected, cooperative people. Many feel totally disconnected and retreat to private lives of underachievement, underemployment, and online addiction—and to the pretense that they can go it alone. Some may find solace in misogyny and white supremacy. Certainly, too many men ignore or oppose the necessary action we all need for women’s equality and racial justice. Some men’s anger and their clinging to harmful ideas about manhood are hurting all of us.
When two-thirds of young men feel that “no one really knows” them, as this study shows, they reveal the fragility of their connections and relationships. We take that finding for what it is: a call for more honest, more grounded, more connected, and more meaningful lives. We know the results of this study will be troubling for many. Conservative voices may say that we are calling out men, blaming them, or maligning American manhood. But our study is a call for all of us to show compassion to men and to build and support healthy, connected versions of manhood for the good of all.
This inaugural State of American Men report, subtitled “From Crisis and Confusion to Hope,” seeks to understand this and other crucial aspects of men’s realities in 2023. The data presented here come from a January 2023 online questionnaire administered to 2,022 men aged 18 to 45 across the United States, matching the racial, economic, and regional diversity of the US population. Three key issues drove this study: First, against the backdrop of #MeToo and the women’s equality and feminist movements, some men—particularly younger men—are moving backward in their support of gender equality. Second, issues in the lives of boys and men—employment, health, sense of purpose, educational aspirations, mental and emotional well-being, loneliness, and relationship challenges—are creating a state of precarity that makes them vulnerable to the appeal of reactionary movements. Third, the precarity of men from marginalized groups is especially acute.